Blame Her: The convenient logic of India’s rape culture
This isn’t going to be one of those easy to digest reads, made palatable as to not make you uncomfortable. Because if the men forcing themselves on women did not care about their comfort, autonomy, or humanity — why should I soften the truth? Instead let’s attempt to confront the heartbreaking reality of being a woman in India and the constant debilitating fear of sexual violence they face. The regressive, gender-biased, and heteronormative society that has cultivated a culture where rape is normalized and even encouraged.
Because not every rape case like the Kolkata murder will make the front cover of a newspaper, get international outrage, and be served justice. Most abusers won’t get punished, most won’t even be reported, most stories of assault will die with the victim. Disappearing into silence, swallowed by shame and fear. And our collective conscious is hollow if it only arises after the victim is destroyed or dead.
One of the first major cases to make headlines and invoke change involved the brutal gang rape of Jyoti Singh, the case dubbed ‘Nirbhaya’, Sanskrit for ‘fearless’. December 2013, she was gang raped, beaten with iron rods, and tortured in a bus by six men who were looking for a good time.
After all, she was a young girl out alone with a boy late at night, she should have known better. And if the country was outraged and new laws were promised, then the issue must’ve been resolved? Yet ironically, on women’s day in 2016 a 15-year-old girl was raped and set on fire. In the same year, a woman was raped in a hospital within hours of giving birth.
But at least she wasn’t beaten to a pulp like Nirbhaya or set on fire like the teenage girl. And if these atrocious crimes are reported to the authorities, the perpetuators will be convicted and punished? No wait, in the Mathura case a 16-year-old girl was raped by drunk police officers. But he was drunk, that’s an excuse too, right?
Ok fine, in Kashmir an 8-year-old girl was kidnapped, held in a Hindu temple, tortured and raped and murdered by government officers in 2018. It can be argued that the mere presence of these women and ‘maturing’ little girls would immediately put sex in the mind of simple man. In 2018 a man raped and murdered a baby girl.
There will always be an excuse, a defence, a way to place the blame on the victim. There will always be outrage and speak of reform. And yet, a woman in India is reportedly raped every 15 minutes.
“The girl is as much to blame as the boy, maybe more.”
Deep-seated issues rooted in patriarchal structures in India have prioritised male dominance and control, reducing women to inferior subordinate beings. Our place in Indian society is merely of second-class status. We’re better suited for housework and childcare, meaning we must rely on the big strong masculine man to provide for us. So, we must serve said man, giving impetus to male entitlement.
In a study conducted by the National Family Health Survey, it was found that in a domestic setting 9 in 10 Indians agreed that a wife should always obey her husband. It’s estimated that over 40% of women and 38% of men said it was ok for a man to beat his wife if she was disrespectful, went out without telling him, didn’t cook properly, or refused sex.
So, it is not surprising when silence revolves around domestic abuse. More than silence, when this type of abuse is encouraged. 80% of the gender-based violence reported in the NFHS, the abuser was a current or former partner. Throw in the stigmatisation and shame burdened on the victim, which consequently results in 86% of women not seeking any help, and 77% not telling anyone about the trauma they endured. Oh, and marital rape is not considered a crime in India, there’s that as well.
“I know it is wrong and I feel violated, but society has socialised me to feel I have to go along with what he — the provider — wants. I can’t even talk about it because it is embarrassing.”
Even then, the government may run according to these laws, but society is controlled by the unwritten traditions. And in this conservative society the reputation of a woman and her family is valued higher than her right to autonomy, her body, and her choice.
The thousands of women that are silenced in the guise of protecting their family’s honour. She’d rather silently endure the consequences of a cruel man’s actions than bring shame to her family and be viewed as damaged goods. Goods that now hold no value because a man stole her worth from her. But is that simply what we are in the eyes of society? Sexual objects made to fulfil male desire and rebirth their lineage.
For a multitude of historical, social, religious (I’ll bite into that contentious topic soon), and economic reasons, Indian society values sons over daughters. Further perpetuating our place as objects that can be treated however men want. Infanticide, selective abortions, sex trafficking, stalking, dowry demands, child marriages, acid attacks, honour killings, treated however they want to treat us.
There is an expression in India “bringing up a daughter is like watering a neighbour’s plant.” A telling phrase that reflects the societal beliefs towards women as objects to be passed around and the disturbing degree of social acceptance to acts of violence against us. But the question remains, where does this violence stem from?
The men are not to blame. Aggressive, dominant, violent men are not to blame for the rape and destruction of women. No, it’s the society that has raised them with a sense of entitlement and lack of comprehensive sex education - a dangerous combination.
A study conducted by criminologist Madhumita Pandey spoke to 100+ rape convicts, seemingly ordinary Indian men, who were raised in a patriarchal society with sexual privilege, male entitlement, and a lack of self-control. Men that do not even realise what they have done is rape.
That is the problem right there. A lot of these men cannot even comprehend what they have done is morally wrong. No, they are simply exercising their rights. They do not understand consent, they simply view it as a way of asserting their dominance, power, and authority.
Journalist Tara Kaushal for her book “Why men rape” found similar sentiments during her interviews with 9 rapists. None of them understand the meaning or necessity of consent. None of them respected their female partners in sexual contexts or even as their own identities.
One of the perpetuators in Nirbhaya gang rape called women “kaam chalua’, which translates to ‘makeshift’ or ‘temporary’. He viewed Jyoti Singh as a commodity he had a right to. And because she denied him his perceived rights by fighting back, they got more aggressive to put her in her place and teach her a lesson. Those are his translated words.
Women are simply meant to be used for sex, that is how they perceive us. And while men are praised for sleeping around, if a woman is found voluntarily ‘giving it’ to other men, she’s verbally and physically abused. Consent to sex and we’re abused. Deny sex and we’re abused. It’s a man’s world and we can’t win.
But is this desire to dominate, humiliate, or feel a rush of power for the few seconds they last an innate desire? Or do these men with little power over others not know how to handle their bruised egos and feelings of inadequacy, so they project it onto the closest vulnerable being? This violence is not inscribed in our genders, but rather a result of deep sociocultural causes that have been fostered over centuries. This isn’t nature — this is nurture. This is cultural violence dressed as masculinity — it’s been justified for centuries by the very texts and beliefs that shape our culture.
Violence against women that has been advocated for and justified in religious and mythological scriptures. Not to say religion or Hinduism is bad in any regard, that is an entirely different conversation of its own, but the dissonance and conflict between religious beliefs has strengthened in present times.
Ancient scriptures like the Vedas and Upanishads show profound respect for the feminine and there are several female goddesses that are worshipped. But there exists a paradox, where scriptures such as the Mahabharata state that “there is no creature more sinful, than woman”.
There are Guru’s that are worshipped that have committed vile acts; Vishnu who rapes Tulsi to defeat her husband Shankachuda, God Brihaspati who raped his own pregnant sister-in-law, or the king of gods Indra who tricked Ahalya into sexual intercourse resulting in her being turned to stone.
So, in a religion full of contradictions, where some Gods act a certain way whilst others like Lord Krishna advocate for women as worthy and as capable as men, society has manipulated Vedic philosophy in a way that is advantageous for a society constituted of men.
And with the rise of the narrowly defined, ultranationalist, militant Hindutva ideology across the country, these toxic narratives are being spread and endorsed with Modi as the poster child. If religion has upheld this barbaric patriarchal ideology, then politics has weaponised it.
“There is no creature more sinful, than woman”
Prime Minister Narendra Modi, if I haven’t already pissed off majority of the Indian population, I will now. Although he was quick to come out and state that the country must think about the “atrocities which are taking place against our mothers, sisters, daughters”, a problematic statement in and of itself, he only does so for the sake of societal formality and to keep face.
He himself, his government, or the puppet masters who pay his salary do not care for the women of India. And for a multitude of reasons, from the ideologies they represent and spread to the laws they implement, the issue of sexual violence is more than safety and justice, it is politicisation. Riots fuelled by political agendas being one of the main catalysts of gender-based riots.
Or in the case of the 8-year-old in Kashmir, religion is utilised as a pretext for sexual assault. Not to mention the Modi government issued statements opposing the criminalisation of spousal rape. Again, setting the precedent that non-consensual forceful rape is acceptable and just what men do.
Although the Indian government has implemented stricter laws following the high-profile rape cases in the last decade, the laws themselves will not end the systemic problems. Even then, there is no national protocol for domestic violence survivors, marital rape is not considered a crime, there is no national sex offender registry. And it wasn’t till 2005 that ‘domestic violence’ was even defined under Indian law.
Not only is there a lack of accountability on the institutional or political level, but the attitude towards the rape epidemic seemingly still revolves around women, not the men perpetrating the crime. The solution to preventing women from being raped is to protect and control their movements. Because if 'boys will be boys,' then girls must be the ones restrained. In this broken logic, it's easier to control victims than to reform perpetrators.
Rather than creating a safe and equal society for 48% of the population, because that is too radical of a thought, let’s keep the women at home and in their place. Explains a lot about India’s economic standing and development trajectory, when half the population are simply treated as sex objects who cook, rather than individuals who can contribute to society.
The root of this belief? The lack of education and discourse revolving around gender equality and sex. The misconstrued belief that sex education can ‘corrupt’ youth has perpetuated the unresolved intrapsychic conflicts around sex that have been passed on from generation to generation. We like to think we’re so pure and proper by not discussing such taboo topics, that openly talking about intercourse is a ‘western’ practice — but where does this righteous mentality of being sanctimonious go when our women are defiled and dehumanised?
Because sex is not the problem, rape is. Rape, the forceful intercourse enacted without her consent. Which I would argue is more uncomfortable than the conversation around sexual and reproductive health, but that’s just me. The Modi government would strongly disagree, so much so they removed chapters on sex education as part of its National Education Policy in 2020. Perhaps in an attempt to erase parts that do not serve their idealistic agenda, like other religious groups or historic events.
All a lack of sex education does is force boys to receive knowledge and ideas from questionable sources. Be it Indian cinema, that has normalised stalking as a romantic plot, or objectified women as sexual objects through their ‘item numbers’, or just through the way female actors are presented relative to their male counterparts. Or through porn and leaked videos of girls that get circulated – thank you WhatsApp.
We condemn the West for being too open about sex and sexuality, yet it is our own repressed and voyeuristic culture that reveals a far uglier truth. While Western societies may be seen as more open, it is the Indian mindset—steeped in denial, shame, and hypocrisy—that is filthier. According to Google trends, following the gruesome murder of a 31-year-old trainee doctor in Kolkata, there was a drastic spike in searches for her name paired with ‘porn’. When an 8-year-old Muslim girl was gang-raped in 2018, her name trended on porn sites. There is nothing else left to say.
And even if the government makes laws and implements responsive strategies, even if women continue to march on the streets and conduct strikes, real change will only be made if the collective mind of Indian society shifts. If the perpetrators of this violence are educated.
Maybe if we shifted the blame from everything women are accused of doing wrong to the men who actually commit the crimes—if the stigma of ‘what will people say’ targeted men’s violations instead of policing women’s actions—then these crimes might finally begin to stop. Maybe the Indian aunties should stop vying against daughters, their younger versions, stifling them and forcing them to conform, and for once hold their sons accountable.
30,000+ rape cases are reported annually in India. How many rapes even made it to court? How many of cases will simply be dismissed? How many rapes will die in the heart of the women, the victims who could not speak out?
This epidemic reflects a society that teaches boys they own women’s bodies, protects perpetrators with excuses, and punishes victims with shame. Until we dismantle these cultural, religious, political, and educational failures, we will never see true justice or safety for women. Blaming individual men alone ignores the system that breeds violence and shields abusers.
